Permanent PMS is Over

I know this because I just had sex with a pregnant woman.

A while back I mentioned that my wife had been stuck in permanent PMS mode due to our transition (again) from a Standard American Diet (SAD) to a paleo style diet. My wife had a positive ovulation prediction test about two weeks ago. As has been mentioned, the fertile period of the month is a great one for the libido. Let’s just say, ahem, that it was a damn good weekend – but then, the results speak for themselves.

Update: Whoops, I almost forgot the most important part:

Do ya’ll see what I did? Oh yeah!

Male Submission is Also a DLV

In response to my post about pegging being a DLV, Athol said the following in a comment:

It’s funny how no one regarded the trying him up experience or the girl on top legs together thing as a DLV or when they both could possibly be viewed as such.

As it happens, I was planning to write about that anyway, so here goes.

Male sexual submission is also a DLV. But depending on the circumstances, you might just be able to get away with it. The biggest thing is the degree of the DLV. Depending on context and how extreme it is, male submission can run the whole range from being a very, very small DLV to being an extreme DLV. Pegging is, in my not so humble opinion, at the extreme end of male submission. It’s a nuclear DLV. You’re going to have to be pretty damn alpha to pull it off.

On the other hand, a night where your wife just takes the lead and focuses on teasing you and getting you off, without letting you do anything in response might only be a minor DLV. The average male is simply physically stronger than the average female, so we all know that 90% of the time or more this simply requires male submission. But on the other hand, the woman isn’t actually doing anything strange, odd, hurtful, demeaning or damaging. So any kind of DLV that comes from it is pretty small. In fact, if you frame it correctly (say, for example, that it’s framed as a horny wife who just can’t keep her hands off her hot husband) this can even transform from being a minor DLV to being a nice DHV.

Then, of course, there’s a whole range of stuff in between. Getting tied up, blindfolds, whips and chains, etc. The important question is if you’re alpha enough to get away with it. Athol himself finishes his comment with the following:

No couple is 100/0 male/female dominant/submissive. Jennifer and I are about a 85/15 split. Just enjoy the sex and mix it up a bit.

And that gets right to the heart of it. An 85/15 male to female split is probably pretty healthy. A 100/0 split is probably unhealthy for a long term relationship. Eventually the woman is likely to feel abused rather than submissive. But if you’re trending toward 50/50, 40/60 or, worse, 15/85 you’re in trouble thanks to the hypergamous instincts of women. I’d guess that the sweet spot is probably in the 60/40 to 85/15 range, depending on the couple. OK, the numbers thing is a little silly (and impossible to actually gauge), so think of this as a guideline and not as an exercise to sit down and actually do the math. The important thing to think of is that you want to be comfortable on the side of dominance, but not to the point of abusive.

If you’re in that range, a little bit of female dominance every now and then is probably not only OK but a healthy, fun way to spice things up a bit. If you’re outside that range you’re only making things worse for yourself. And even inside that range, regular and often full on female dominant BDSM or pegging is risky.

The general concept here applies completely outside of sex as well. The more alpha a guy you are in general, the more you can get away with the more beta behaviors. In a post on crying in front of your woman, Hughman left the following comment:

The one thing I hate about take the red pill is knowing you can never show weakeness unless it’s for ‘vulnerability game’.

To which Badger replied (correctly):

Hughman, remember that the more alpha you act, the more beta you can be.

Exactly the point I’ve been trying to make this week – with the added note that you must remember that some things are extremely beta and require a pretty hefty dose of alpha to recover from. Hence even if it’s something you really want or your woman thinks she wants, think twice.

Anal Play Cleanliness

I’m not really endorsing anal play, anal sex, or pegging. People have to make their own call there. However, since it’s been the topic of conversation and since neither Athol nor I mentioned it in our earlier posts, I’m going to take a minute to emphasize something very important.

If you’re going to engage in anal sex, pegging, or just anal play for God’s sake, be clean.

Sexual activity involving the anus and rectum don’t necessarily have to be smelly, filthy and germ ridden – but if you don’t follow proper hygiene, they will be. It’s a very easy way to spread some very nasty infections if you’re not careful. Again, I’ll point out that I don’t do this regularly (indeed, I haven’t at all), but really the hygiene here is 80% common sense.

1. Anything that goes near the anal area must be washed before it goes anywhere else. This is especially important before you put it in or near the vaginal area. It’s extremely easy to get a vaginal infection. Don’t make it easier.
2. Wash your butt before hand. A little soap and a damp cloth (warm will probably be a lot more comfortable) will go a long way.
3. Consider your diet. Without getting too graphic, a diet high in sugary, greasy junk food is going to leave you wiping for a long time after you visit the restroom. A diet high in fiber, vegetables and fruit and low in processed foods will make wiping quick and easy. Which do you think is going to be cleaner for anal play?
4. This should be a no brainer, but if you’re having a bad bowel day… um, don’t do anything there. Yeah.
5. Consider having an enema before doing anything deep. Be careful, because it is possible to injure yourself this way. Also, if you’ve done everything above, this probably isn’t necessary. But you might wanna think about it.
6. Consider wearing a condom. Yes, condoms suck. Yes, the church I belong to says they’re a sin. And frankly, if you’ve done everything and you’re in a monogamous relationship above you probably don’t need them. But if you’ve missed something, this’ll be your last resort.

Pegging is a DLV

Whoah boy. Fun topics. Athol had a post earlier this week about pegging. He doesn’t say so in the post, but I’m pretty sure it was meant as a response to this question in his comments. The post is pretty good as far as an introduction to anal play (says the man who’s never actually done that, only read about it). Some of the anonymous comments in his post trend toward the truly homophobic, but I think there’s a serious point to be made here.

To the vast majority of women, allowing her to peg you is going to be seen as a major DLV. I strongly suspect that most of the women who are the loudest about asking for it are seriously shit testing the men they’re asking. To the woman in the comments who asked the original question I would respond that even though she thinks she wants it, she’d probably lose massive amounts of respect for her husband if she actually got to do it. Pegging is a seriously submissive action. Even among gay men there’s a socio-sexual hierarchy centered around being “tops” and “bottoms.” Most women who are seriously asking for this are not convinced enough of your social dominance. I think this might even be the female equivalent of men’s wife sharing fantasies.

I preface everything with words like “usually” and “most” because there probably are a handful of people out there (men and women both) for whom this is a serious turn on. People have crazy fetishes. But my advice to any man whose wife asks him for this is Proceed Carefully. For 90% of men, the best response is probably to answer that you have no interest in it and never have. Some guys out there (yes, even some straight guys) are probably seriously into this. And occasionally you might run into that rare woman who just has an extreme fetish for this. In the latter case, if you’re not ready to participate in her fetishes, you do have to be prepared for her to find somebody who is. I have no idea how you’d tell the difference between a woman who’s shit testing you and a woman with a weird fetish, though. You’re on your own for that one.

If you do decide to go down this road (whether for her pleasure or yours), proceed with caution. Anal play (fingers, toys) is probably OK, especially if she’s allowing you to reciprocate and especially if you take control of it and frame it in a dominant kind of way (her pleasing you). But you should probably only allow actual pegging if you’re truly that secure in your masculinity, by which I mean that you’ve securely and undeniably established your alpha credentials already. Any pegging event should be both preceded and followed by some extra alpha activity. And I’d suggest keeping it as a novelty act, something done only rarely. And if it ends up leading to her losing respect for you… well, don’t say you weren’t warned.

In my own case this isn’t much of an issue. My wife has expressed that she really doesn’t have much interest in it at all, which is fine by me. I know her pretty well and her body language backs up the words – as opposed to her disinterest in “normal” anal sex, where her words say “I’m grossed out by that” and her body language says “I’m kind of curious but afraid to admit that even to myself.” I’ve come to the opinion that if she were prepared right and introduced to it in exactly the right way that she’d probably not just tolerate or even like anal sex but would likely really get off it (on the other hand, anything less than perfect preparation and execution would probably turn her off of it forever). But I believe that she’s really not interested in pegging at all. Like most women, she’s much more sexually submissive with the right man. If your wife wants to dominate you like that, be cautious. It’s most likely that you’re not the right man in her eyes.